I spent the last 7 years talking to one person every single day and now we have so little to say. Well that isn't quite true. I have so much I want to say to him but I can't or I shouldn't or it wouldn't help or it would come out in anger and that does no good.
But it's the little things, the old jokes, the things only we would find funny... the trivial little quirks in life that I miss telling him. Even if we are friendly it's not the same. We are both very talkative so it's weird to be awkward around each other.
Heaven help me when it rains next.
The rain was our thing. It was so random and sparse in So Cal but it rained the day we met and the day Logan was born. In the beginning it was a "it's raining and I'm thinking of you" or "I love you, its raining" in a text every time. Over the years it became every once in awhile that the rain brought a text message or comment remembering that first date. So we didn't mind the idea of how much rain it gets up here. When we arrived we revived the old tradition but this time it was funny because it rained every day for weeks.
This is some record dry spell right now and maybe it's a kindness for my heart.
Because even if though I know this is for the best and I am sure, the little things can sneak up and catch you off guard. It's called grieving and it sucks. I know time helps and every day I feel better. I have so many happy moments these days but I still miss that 7 year conversation.
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